Archives 2015

It’s a beautiful Sunday evening. I spent my morning reading my first Danielle Steel book, The Sins of the Mother, which I couldn’t put down. Then I found out that my story in Book One of the Faith Series is finally on the Main Spotlight to be critiqued. Furthermore, I received an awesome message on my scratchpad that another writer really loves my work. A few minutes later I was notified by email that I had my first critique, and it was an awesome critique that put a great big smile on my face. Reading this critique confirmed that my writing is getting better, I’m learning more about my style of writing, and others are loving my story thus far, and is looking forward to reading more from Book One, Faith Series. This is very encouraging and enlightening! I received my second critique which was great as well, but I need to use more description in my writing, which I lack. I can’t wait to get my writing fingers moving and grooving so I can become a better writer through the Faith Series Writing Journey.

I look forward to rewriting the ending to my first chapter, rewriting the first part of chapter two which has been critiqued by a different site and adding the second part of chapter two with the chapter two revision. Once completely revised and combined, I will submit the entire chapter two for reviews.

Moving on….it’s September. School has started for my children about a week ago. I’ve been beyond busy with appointments between my children and I. Not to mention, starting my second business, handmade products, such as beaded jewelry. I’ve had some challenges along the way with taking several different medications to manage my Bipolar Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Rape Trauma Syndrome, and Depression while still dealing with PCOS. These complications has caused me to become manic because my insurance won’t approve the medication that really works for me.

I’ve been making decisions that haven’t been in our best interest. In the process, I’ve realized abusers cannot be helped by their victim.…To this day I continue to live with the side effects.

People cannot change their ways unless they’re aware of what they’re doing to others; understanding their behavior is changing and effecting their livelihood, including their career; and they have a willing heart to want to seek professional help. I don’t know what God is doing, but I know that prayers speak volumes and anything is possible through prayer and seeking a relationship with the Lord.

What do you do when your back is against the wall? When you think about what is in the best interest of your children, as well as yourself, you’re doomed, if you do, and doomed, if you don’t. Writing really is a major outlet to help me express my world from a realistic literary fiction perspective.

During my travels on the train, I’ve been focused on writing more to Book One. Since my story hits so close to home, I decided to make a few changes in regards to my characters. I also chose to add chapter three to be the ending of chapter two. My chapter four is now chapter three. Chapter five is now chapter four. Chapter six moves into chapter four. The reason for all of these changes is because I wanted the plots to stay in the same chapter oppose to splitting the plots. These changes make for a better story flow, and fits my style of writing.

Three days ago, I started writing chapter five, but I’m not finished. I’m hoping to write chapter five and six by the end of the Labor Day holiday. The story is moving in so many different directions due to Faith meeting new people, falling into unexpected situations beyond her control, and on the flip side, making decisions within her control which were not too street smart.

As a writer, I’m hoping to show my readers how life can instantly take many different turns in less than one year. More so, Book One really sheds light on the start of abusive relationships, and a young woman who is dealing with multiple victimization. Book One is really going to open up the eyes of many, and I’m pretty sure others can relate to Faith and realize that they are not alone.

Our career goals have a great impact on the decisions that we make. These choices can also hinder our goals in the long run. Faith shows the reader how her career moves has made and broke her, all at the same time.

If this is speaking to your spirit, please share your story with my blog readers. I would love to hear from others. Remember, sharing your story could help others who are currently going through similar experiences.

I welcome words of encouragement, uplifting, and spiritual guidance as I currently get over this hurdle that we’re facing. I appreciate any comments. Thank you!

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Lately I’ve been doing many critiques and having my writing critiqued as well, but have not shared the Chapter One Extension critiques as promised. So this Saturday afternoon, I’m sharing my second, third, fourth and fifth critiques. I hope this is helpful during your writing journey.

At the same time, I’m waiting for my WordPress blog themes to show up completely. The internet is a bit slow for some reason. I’ve decided to start a separate blog site specifically for the Faith Series. The domain is www.faithserieswritingjourney.wordpress.com. Please visit once the site is completed. I’m hoping to help many writers and authors along the way as I take on this writing journey myself.

Also, for my readers, I hope to bring insight to the Faith Series so they can get a glimpse into the creation of the novels. Currently, I’m on Book One. I’m not really sure how many books the series will have, but I’ll have a better idea once I keep writing the story. So let’s get into it!

Second Critique

After reading the entire critique, I only want to respond to one comment by the reviewer.

I don’t mope about my destructive life cycle. I don’t cry over spilled milk. I don’t regret my loose cannons from exploding in a moment that left me worthless, used and abused.
I don’t mope about my destructive life cycle Not sure what this means.

I don’t cry over spilled milk. Too many metaphors consider eliminating one of two.

The reviewer is not sure what “destructive life cycle” means. To me, destructive life cycle is when a person’s life keeps moving at the same pace, which is the cycle. It doesn’t change. Where you started is where you keep ending up, over and over again. In this case, Faith has a life that is very destructive due to being victimized during different moments that have left her feeling worthless, used and abused.

Third Critique

After reading:
You have a good start here. Keep writing! I hope my suggestions are helpful.

Yes, the reviewer’s suggestions were very helpful. It really helped me to revise the Chapter One Extension Rewrite.

Fourth Critique

It was dusk as the night was approaching. I headed back downtown to unwind. I’m always putting a band aid on my pain by dancing the night away and getting drunk enough to only feel that good feeling. When I’m in the zone being swirled into the loud music, I became the beat.
Sounds like a fun character. Try to use active voice instead of passive whenever possible. For example, “It was dusk” could become “Dusk fell over the city, as I headed back downtown to unwind.”

Yes, Faith is a fun character when you get to know her Writing in active voice is something that I really need to work on.

Sometimes I would drink too much just so I would be too drunk to fight back. Saying no to men never stopped the vultures in sheep clothing from wearing out my jewel. It was easier for me to cope with being in powerless situations opposed to fighting an uncontrolled battle that I have never won.
Try to avoid redundancy in word use. For example, the first sentence has drink and drunk in it. Nothing’s really wrong with that, but it might be more interesting to mix up the words a bit. Maybe something like: . . . just so the booze would render me helpless. Could maybe throw in a metaphor, like: Serving as a puppet in these battles somehow protected my pride from the feeling of failure.

This analysis is very deep and sad. Good job being able to express it.

Pride has nothing to do with the situations. Faith is not protecting her pride. I don’t think the reviewer understood where I was coming from in this paragraph.

In regards to the sentence about feeling of failure, I don’t quite agree with the word “failure.” When someone is a victim, we don’t necessarily have feelings of failure. We more so have feelings of defeat. When I think of failure, it’s more as though one has failed something one was trying to do, not doing something one has no control over.

She hit it right on the nail. I was able to express it because the character Faith is actually me. This was a very deep and sad time in my life. Some fiction novels have a lot of truth to the story. This is my truth that many can relate to. I’m not alone. You’re not alone. Together we can overcome our past to not let it affect our future.

“When you get downtown, stop by McDonald’s to pick me up two Double Cheeseburgers,” said Darius.
OMG, of all the nerve. Good job making him come across like a jerk.

Ha, Darius is a jerk! Usually when one abuses his girlfriend, they act like they have done no wrong. Life continues to move forward with the abuser as if all is normal. Victims are so used to doing what the abuser wants them to do no matter how bad the abuser has hurt the victim. The victim begins to self-blame and being remorseful to the abuser as if the abuser is the victim. The victim begins to care for the abuser’s needs and wants just to keep the peace.

A lot of people walked around, down the sidewalk, street and drove bumper to bumper. There was a row of club spots, bars and jumbo pizza places. It was hard to choose where I wanted to go considering that I was all by myself. I was determined to have a good time, although I felt so sad inside.
Wouldn’t she rather be with a friend? Or would a friend hold her accountable? (Not let her drink too much and become powerless)?

Yes, Faith would rather be with a friend, but that wasn’t the case. Faith usually had to go out by herself because she couldn’t get a hold of her friends. Faith seemed to believe that she was strong enough to protect herself while she was out. The type of friends that Faith had during that time, were not the type that would hold her accountable. She usually still was in bad situations around her “so-called friends.” They never stopped her from drinking too much nor did they protect her from becoming powerless.

Closing comments

Great story line. I’m intrigued by her attitude that it’s easier to get drunk and be powerless than to stay sober and be in charge of oneself. And I’m also intrigued by what is going to happen in the club to change her life.
My biggest suggestion is to pay attention to your tense and try to stay completely in past tense (or present tense, but just be consistent).
My second biggest suggestion is to try to minimize verbs like is am are was were when possible. Your writing will be more bold and will have more to visualize in your descriptions when you substitute other verbs.
Good job.

Yes, this reviewer gets it after all!!! I’ve always had issues with tense since I’ve been writing the Faith Series, Book One. I definitely need to work on minimizing the verbs in order to write with more description for my readers to visualize. I’m currently reading two writing books to help me along the way. Studying these books have been great tools during my writing journey.

What tools do you use to help you with your writing journey?

Fifth Critique

You’ve written a piece that is intriguing and even captivating, but there are some issues that need to be worked out.

I did the rewrite already which is currently up for review. This reviewers suggestions really helped me during my rewrite. I greatly appreciate the feedback.

Do you use critiquing sites to help with your writing journey? If so, which ones?

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After having such a very rough day the other day, I thought I would end that night with sharing the last five critiques that I received from the extension to Chapter One in my Faith Series, Book One. When reviewing my critiques, I hope to help others who may be having similar writing issues.

Originally, this extension was going to be my second chapter, but after writing much, I realized that this content flows better with my first chapter. I have already started writing my second chapter, which I look forward to sharing soon, once I’m ready to submit for review.

Looking at the date, I realized that I’m actually past the deadline date that I set for myself to have chapter one completed. I’ve been so busy with work these past few weeks that I haven’t had a chance to focus on my writing. No more excuses! I gotta meet these deadlines regardless! Anyhow, I’m not going to post the entire critique, but only the review content that I want to address.

First Critique

Sometimes I would drink too much just so I would be too drunk to fight back. Saying no to men never stopped the vultures in sheep clothing from wearing out my jewel. It was easier for me to cope with being in powerless situations opposed to fighting an uncontrolled battle that I have never won.
I would be careful about getting melodramatic here. You make these sweeping and very serious statements with no backdrop for the reader. I know you’re trying to keep the reader interested, but don’t overdo it.

Really? Do you think I overdid it here? I absolutely love how I worded this paragraph. I hit it right on the nail. Other reviewers liked this paragraph. So I need help from others. What do you think?

After driving around in circles, I finally found a parking space a few blocks away. It’s wasn’t too far from U Street. I took one last look in the mirror for a make-up check. I freshened my lips with glossy natural lip stick. I’m puckered up! I blew a kiss at the mirror and made that, “I know I’m sexy” look. I checked to ensure my windows were closed. I looked around constantly as I exited my sedan.

It’s => It

Of course practice makes one a better writer, but one suggestion is to put a little more visualization into your narrative. Draw the reader in a little better. For example,
I blew a kiss at the mirror. She looked back at me hot and sexy!

Don’t waste a lot of words on mundane descriptions. Make your writing efficient. Does closing the windows and checking constantly as you exit really have a lot of meaning to the story. I would take a little different tack. Maybe re-emphasize how she narrowly misses getting hit by a passing car or some guys go by and yell out something making the reader see that she looks hot.

This has been my biggest problem….writing with more visualization. What helps you write in a visualized manner? I’m still having a lot of issues telling instead of showing.

I think you basically create an interesting backdrop where the reader wants more information on the story which is good. But it seems a bit awkward at times. One suggestion would be to work on how you tell the story. This is where your style will emerge. So rather than just a narration of events and dialogue, draw the reader more into your imagination. It is difficult, but try removing the adverbs in the dialogue description. Use action and dialogue more to convey the image of the characters and backdrop you want to elicit from the reader. Hope my critique is of some help to you.

All I can say about this…I really need help in this area. He hit it right on the nail. The critique was very helpful. This chapter one extension is definitely in need of a major rewrite. I don’t want to put all 5 critiques on the same posting so I will post one critique per day. I hope this was helpful to you as much as it was to me. In regards to my questions, if anyone is able to get back to me, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!

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Today, in honor of National HIV Testing Day Celestial Caring Enterprises and our client, Essence Magazine Bestselling Author, Tia Hines encourages you to get tested for HIV. HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) that causes AIDS.

The only way to know if you have HIV is to get tested. Many people with HIV don’t have any symptoms. In the United States, 1 in 7 people living with HIV don’t know they have it.

Even if you don’t feel sick, getting early treatment for HIV is important. Early treatment can help you live a longer, healthier life. Treatment can also make it less likely that you will pass HIV on to other people.

Am I at risk for HIV?

HIV is spread through some of the body fluids, semen (cum), vaginal fluids, and breast milk. HIV is passed from one person to another by:

• Having sex (vaginal, anal, or oral) without a condom or dental dam with a person who has HIV.
• Sharing needles with someone who has HIV.
• Breastfeeding, pregnancy, or childbirth, if the mother has HIV.
• Getting a transfusion of blood that’s infected with HIV (very rare in the United States.)

Thanks to the Affordable Care Act, the health care reform law passed in 2010, insurance plans must cover HIV testing. Talk to your insurance company to learn more. Free HIV testing is also available at some testing centers and health clinics.

“HIV does not discriminate.” ~ Tia Hines

The Most Talked About Youth Discussions
Teens Are Not Exempt from HIV

Author Tia Hines is spreading a message through her YA Urban Fiction novel series, “ That Girl is Poison” to shed light on the most talked about youth discussions involving the following topics: Sex, Promiscuity, HIV, Abuse, Teen Rape, Child Sexual Assault, Pregnancy, and Neglect.

This sexual assault survivor is a youth mentor that has a very fascinating way of reaching the young generation and inspiring adults to set goals to create dreams and never stop striving to achieve new heights.

The first book in the two part series was published by Urban Books in 2012, this work is about Desire Jones, a young, hot-to-trot teen who lives life on the edge. Abandoned by her mother, she yearns for love and attention. Her uncle shelters her, but life is impossible to bear with his abusive wife. To make things worse, she gets involved with Malik, who shatters her hope and trust by leaving her pregnant and infected with HIV. So hardened, she decides to do the unspeakable, purposely infecting people with her disease. Of course, no one knows of her intent, not even her best friend, Jennifer, who unwittingly helps Desire find her victims. Will Desire realize the error of her ways before it’s too late? The forthcoming second book, “That Girl is Poison Too” will follow.

“The powerful lessons in my book reflects on respect, love, and protection. Many can relate to my own growing pains which is displayed in my fictional character experiences,” said Tia Hines.

That Girl is Poison ($12.68, 288 pages, 5.5 x 0.9 x 8.2, paperback, ISBN: 1-60162-517-0, is available at online booksellers and distributed by Kensington Publishing Corp. Urban Books is one of the nation’s largest African-American owned book publishing company located in New York and founded by book mogul and best-selling author, Carl Weber whom has published over 2500 African-American topic based books. For more information, please visit www.urbanbooks.net.

NOTE TO MEDIA: To arrange for an interview with Tia Hines, write a feature story, book review, or quotes, please contact Tishawn Marie, Publicist 209.227.4643.

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I love sharing the positive news while I’m writing through my novel journey. I was recently on my first chapter, third revision while writing my second chapter. I submitted my first chapter, third revision for critiquing. I’m happy to say that each revision my writing has improved. Here’s the feedback that I received and will revise during the final chapter editing.

Before I give you all of the details from reviewers, I wanted to let you know that reviewers are not able to see each other’s critique until after one has completed the critique. I was really happy, ok beyond happy to have all four of my reviewers love my opening sentence. I worked really hard putting my opening sentence together. Whew! If you only knew….. It’s a great feeling to know that I finally nailed it!

First Reviewer:

“I like the first sentence…It made me want to read more….”

One of my hang ups when I first started writing, was more so telling oppose to showing. By the time I got to my third revision, I pretty much got the hang of it.

“Good Visual”

“I like that she is strong enough not to answer her cell phone.”

But as you all know, women may be strong at first, but then by the second call, we may get a bit weak and just might answer the cell phone.

“I like the word regretful here.”

I normally don’t give you the edited details because that is for me to fix, but I do want to share this one.

“With all due respect…I would like to see a stronger hook here so the reader wants to turn to the next chapter….

She was referring to my last sentence. This was a bit hard because others liked the end sentence and some needed more. I realized while I was editing my second chapter that it actually is an extension of my first chapter. I came up with a better hook at the end. Now the only problem I’m having is that the characters are taking me in a different direction than I planned from the start. I don’t know how I’m going to start my second chapter. I just have to write and see what happens. That’s the beauty in creative writing!

Second Reviewer

Hi, Tishawn
Your main question was whether your piece is better in past or present tense. I’d vote for present tense, although I couldn’t read the first two versions (however much tried). Here, at this version, present and past still mix, which can be all right, but then they have to follow one another fluently. My hunch is (and it’s only a hunch) that this wholeness could be reached more easily not just by first person singular, but by present as well. This way the problem of past participle could be eliminated too. Otherwise your work seems dynamic and pungent to me. Real life shines through with all its dirt and suffering. You are really good at this genre!

Deciding the direction was very hard for me. I was going back and forth every revision, but I have finally came to the conclusion that I’m going to write in first person past tense. I initially started in present tense, but publishers hate present tense and since I want to become a published bestselling author, I have to write in past tense. If self-publishing, I guess it really wouldn’t matter. Plus, I was told that it’s harder to write in present tense, even for experienced published authors. WOW! The reviewer hit it right on the nail! Yes, this is real life…..it’s my life, but I’m writing a literary realistic fiction novel. This is book one in the series, Faith. I definitely want to stick to this genre!

“Very graphic beginning!”

Yep, here it goes again

“Otherwise, literally this paragraph is full of graphic details.”

Like I said, I was doing more showing than telling

“Good suspense… If you are afraid of something, it appears.

Did you know that I love reading suspense books? Yep, I sure do!

“Otherwise the whole dialogue is pretty dynamic.”

Dialogue was tough for me at first, but I got the swing of it as time went on.

“Good inner monologues.”

This came very easy for me!

“The dried blood stains… again good, graphic detail.”
“Good detail about the MC.”
“Good change in rhythm. Short and long sentences after one another.”
“I hated myself – excellent!”
“Otherwise I love this paragraph!”
“Good ending!”

Well see, this person liked my ending….. Didn’t I tell you earlier….some would, some wouldn’t. “Anyway, I’ve enjoyed your piece, it has a very special, original tone.” This is definitely original…kind of like a lifetime movie based off of a true story wouldn’t you say!

Third Reviewer

“Nice intro.”

I nailed the opening sentence! Third reviewer was also impressed with my writing. The opening sentence is very important!

“Ha. Nice bit of internal monologue.”
“Intriguing open chapter. Your main character has clearly had a troubled life. Be interesting to see how she moves on from here. Hope this crit has been of some use.”

Fourth Reviewer

“Good first sentence; interesting hook.”
“Good internal thought.”

All the reviewers got a kick out of the same monologue

“Good characterization of Faith.”

It’s so awesome when reviewers comment on the same comment with likable feedback.
“This is some interesting and heavy backstory. It definitely seems important to the plot and Faith’s story, but there must be a better way to bring this up (talking about it with another person, etc.) This is her just telling us about what happened. I actually did bring this up very well, but not by talking with another person. I think the reviewer missed the sentences leading up to what I was telling.

“She’s had a cruddy life! This is more telling, though. I would think, after all she’d been through, she would be rather distrusting of men.

No comment! You would think so, right????

“Very strong last line.”
“As I mentioned in the in-lines, you sometimes jump between present and past tense. Make sure you’re consistent. Also watch for spelling mistakes.
This was kind of weak for a first chapter. I liked the way it started, with Faith in tears, stiffening up to break up with her abusive boyfriend. I also liked the confrontation in the parking lot; it showed that she is already taking steps to right her life. But the second half is a lot of backstory, and Faith getting ready for bed. You do tell about her rough life, but again, that is “telling.” Find a way to bring out those incidents through action or dialogue or internal thoughts. I have a feeling that the confrontation with Darius will be a main part of the plot. But there wasn’t much buildup here. He calls, she doesn’t answer, and that’s it. As this is the first chapter, there should be a little more so the reader knows where this is going. It doesn’t have to be an actual meeting with Darius; just show that Faith is thinking about what will happen when they meet and how she thinks it will go. The last line sort of does this— write more like that! Good luck!”

This reviewer was right on point. This is where my original chapter 2 is now being added to chapter one because it flows and it hits on everything this reviewer mentioned. Great minds think alike! Anyways, there are two major paragraphs that show the “telling” because I just am truly stuck with trying to figure out other ways to bring the issues up. I can’t delete it because it’s very important milestones worth mentioning that otherwise has never been exposed. Ugh, I will figure it out. I have already submitted my first chapter extension to be reviewed. It’s not up for review until June 17th. That seems so long away. Hopefully, the days will go by fast. In the meantime, I can work on the two paragraphs that involve the “telling” and keep writing. I am ready to finally write chapter two. It’s a new plot altogether!

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Today concludes Sexual Assault Awareness Month, Child Abuse Awareness Month, and the 16th was Teen Literature Day. I would like to end this month by presenting an inspirational introduction.

Meet Tia Hines. She is a published author with Urban Books, youth mentor and a sexual assault survivor that has a very fascinating way of reaching the young generation and inspiring adults to have dreams, and if you don’t already know her, you will want to.

Tia Hines is an author from Boston, MA who is making her mark in the literary world. She is a full time training specialist by day and a writer by night. When not writing, she dedicates her time to mentoring and teaching hip-hop dance to youth. She graduated from Northeastern University with a Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration and has a Master’s degree from Suffolk University in Criminal Justice. Tia discovered her passion for writing at a very young age. She figured she could create unimaginable stories through an explosion of words. With this in mind, she wrote her first novel, “Drama,” which successfully debuted as an Essence Magazine Bestseller. She has now written her second novel entitled, “That Girl is Poison.” In addition to that, she is in the process of launching her own publishing company. Her main goal is to get more youth to read and she plans to accomplish this by writing a series of intriguing novels. Tia wants to inspire everyone to set goals to create dreams and never stop striving to achieve new heights.

Today, Tia is spreading a message through her novel, “That Girl is Poison” shedding light on the most talked about youth discussions involving the following topics:

• Sex
• Promiscuity
• HIV
• Teen Rape
• Child Sexual Assault
• Pregnancy
• Abuse (Emotional, Mental, Physical)
• Neglect

Her powerful lessons in this book reflects on respect, love, and protection. Whether hearing her speak or reading her words, people are immediately drawn to Tia’s fictional character experiences many can relate to, and her own growing pain experiences…and, of course, her motivational life lessons.

To arrange for an interview with Tia Hines, write a feature story or book review, please contact Tishawn Marie directly at 209.227.4643 or send an email: pr@celestialcaringent.com. If you would like to receive access to the digital copy of the book, one can be provided to you. And, here are two links: the book cover for “That Girl is Poison” and the book trailer.

“That Girl is Poison” is available for purchase at Amazon.

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