Chapter One Extension
After having such a very rough day the other day, I thought I would end that night with sharing the last five critiques that I received from the extension to Chapter One in my Faith Series, Book One. When reviewing my critiques, I hope to help others who may be having similar writing issues.
Originally, this extension was going to be my second chapter, but after writing much, I realized that this content flows better with my first chapter. I have already started writing my second chapter, which I look forward to sharing soon, once I’m ready to submit for review.
Looking at the date, I realized that I’m actually past the deadline date that I set for myself to have chapter one completed. I’ve been so busy with work these past few weeks that I haven’t had a chance to focus on my writing. No more excuses! I gotta meet these deadlines regardless! Anyhow, I’m not going to post the entire critique, but only the review content that I want to address.
First Critique
Sometimes I would drink too much just so I would be too drunk to fight back. Saying no to men never stopped the vultures in sheep clothing from wearing out my jewel. It was easier for me to cope with being in powerless situations opposed to fighting an uncontrolled battle that I have never won.
I would be careful about getting melodramatic here. You make these sweeping and very serious statements with no backdrop for the reader. I know you’re trying to keep the reader interested, but don’t overdo it.
Really? Do you think I overdid it here? I absolutely love how I worded this paragraph. I hit it right on the nail. Other reviewers liked this paragraph. So I need help from others. What do you think?
After driving around in circles, I finally found a parking space a few blocks away. It’s wasn’t too far from U Street. I took one last look in the mirror for a make-up check. I freshened my lips with glossy natural lip stick. I’m puckered up! I blew a kiss at the mirror and made that, “I know I’m sexy” look. I checked to ensure my windows were closed. I looked around constantly as I exited my sedan.
It’s => It
Of course practice makes one a better writer, but one suggestion is to put a little more visualization into your narrative. Draw the reader in a little better. For example,
I blew a kiss at the mirror. She looked back at me hot and sexy!Don’t waste a lot of words on mundane descriptions. Make your writing efficient. Does closing the windows and checking constantly as you exit really have a lot of meaning to the story. I would take a little different tack. Maybe re-emphasize how she narrowly misses getting hit by a passing car or some guys go by and yell out something making the reader see that she looks hot.
This has been my biggest problem….writing with more visualization. What helps you write in a visualized manner? I’m still having a lot of issues telling instead of showing.
I think you basically create an interesting backdrop where the reader wants more information on the story which is good. But it seems a bit awkward at times. One suggestion would be to work on how you tell the story. This is where your style will emerge. So rather than just a narration of events and dialogue, draw the reader more into your imagination. It is difficult, but try removing the adverbs in the dialogue description. Use action and dialogue more to convey the image of the characters and backdrop you want to elicit from the reader. Hope my critique is of some help to you.
All I can say about this…I really need help in this area. He hit it right on the nail. The critique was very helpful. This chapter one extension is definitely in need of a major rewrite. I don’t want to put all 5 critiques on the same posting so I will post one critique per day. I hope this was helpful to you as much as it was to me. In regards to my questions, if anyone is able to get back to me, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!
