Chapter One Extension Critiques
Lately I’ve been doing many critiques and having my writing critiqued as well, but have not shared the Chapter One Extension critiques as promised. So this Saturday afternoon, I’m sharing my second, third, fourth and fifth critiques. I hope this is helpful during your writing journey.
At the same time, I’m waiting for my WordPress blog themes to show up completely. The internet is a bit slow for some reason. I’ve decided to start a separate blog site specifically for the Faith Series. The domain is www.faithserieswritingjourney.wordpress.com. Please visit once the site is completed. I’m hoping to help many writers and authors along the way as I take on this writing journey myself.
Also, for my readers, I hope to bring insight to the Faith Series so they can get a glimpse into the creation of the novels. Currently, I’m on Book One. I’m not really sure how many books the series will have, but I’ll have a better idea once I keep writing the story. So let’s get into it!
Second Critique
After reading the entire critique, I only want to respond to one comment by the reviewer.
I don’t mope about my destructive life cycle. I don’t cry over spilled milk. I don’t regret my loose cannons from exploding in a moment that left me worthless, used and abused.
I don’t mope about my destructive life cycle Not sure what this means.I don’t cry over spilled milk. Too many metaphors consider eliminating one of two.
The reviewer is not sure what “destructive life cycle” means. To me, destructive life cycle is when a person’s life keeps moving at the same pace, which is the cycle. It doesn’t change. Where you started is where you keep ending up, over and over again. In this case, Faith has a life that is very destructive due to being victimized during different moments that have left her feeling worthless, used and abused.
Third Critique
After reading:
You have a good start here. Keep writing! I hope my suggestions are helpful.
Yes, the reviewer’s suggestions were very helpful. It really helped me to revise the Chapter One Extension Rewrite.
Fourth Critique
It was dusk as the night was approaching. I headed back downtown to unwind. I’m always putting a band aid on my pain by dancing the night away and getting drunk enough to only feel that good feeling. When I’m in the zone being swirled into the loud music, I became the beat.
Sounds like a fun character. Try to use active voice instead of passive whenever possible. For example, “It was dusk” could become “Dusk fell over the city, as I headed back downtown to unwind.”
Yes, Faith is a fun character when you get to know her Writing in active voice is something that I really need to work on.
Sometimes I would drink too much just so I would be too drunk to fight back. Saying no to men never stopped the vultures in sheep clothing from wearing out my jewel. It was easier for me to cope with being in powerless situations opposed to fighting an uncontrolled battle that I have never won.
Try to avoid redundancy in word use. For example, the first sentence has drink and drunk in it. Nothing’s really wrong with that, but it might be more interesting to mix up the words a bit. Maybe something like: . . . just so the booze would render me helpless. Could maybe throw in a metaphor, like: Serving as a puppet in these battles somehow protected my pride from the feeling of failure.This analysis is very deep and sad. Good job being able to express it.
Pride has nothing to do with the situations. Faith is not protecting her pride. I don’t think the reviewer understood where I was coming from in this paragraph.
In regards to the sentence about feeling of failure, I don’t quite agree with the word “failure.” When someone is a victim, we don’t necessarily have feelings of failure. We more so have feelings of defeat. When I think of failure, it’s more as though one has failed something one was trying to do, not doing something one has no control over.
She hit it right on the nail. I was able to express it because the character Faith is actually me. This was a very deep and sad time in my life. Some fiction novels have a lot of truth to the story. This is my truth that many can relate to. I’m not alone. You’re not alone. Together we can overcome our past to not let it affect our future.
“When you get downtown, stop by McDonald’s to pick me up two Double Cheeseburgers,” said Darius.
OMG, of all the nerve. Good job making him come across like a jerk.
Ha, Darius is a jerk! Usually when one abuses his girlfriend, they act like they have done no wrong. Life continues to move forward with the abuser as if all is normal. Victims are so used to doing what the abuser wants them to do no matter how bad the abuser has hurt the victim. The victim begins to self-blame and being remorseful to the abuser as if the abuser is the victim. The victim begins to care for the abuser’s needs and wants just to keep the peace.
A lot of people walked around, down the sidewalk, street and drove bumper to bumper. There was a row of club spots, bars and jumbo pizza places. It was hard to choose where I wanted to go considering that I was all by myself. I was determined to have a good time, although I felt so sad inside.
Wouldn’t she rather be with a friend? Or would a friend hold her accountable? (Not let her drink too much and become powerless)?
Yes, Faith would rather be with a friend, but that wasn’t the case. Faith usually had to go out by herself because she couldn’t get a hold of her friends. Faith seemed to believe that she was strong enough to protect herself while she was out. The type of friends that Faith had during that time, were not the type that would hold her accountable. She usually still was in bad situations around her “so-called friends.” They never stopped her from drinking too much nor did they protect her from becoming powerless.
Closing comments
Great story line. I’m intrigued by her attitude that it’s easier to get drunk and be powerless than to stay sober and be in charge of oneself. And I’m also intrigued by what is going to happen in the club to change her life.
My biggest suggestion is to pay attention to your tense and try to stay completely in past tense (or present tense, but just be consistent).
My second biggest suggestion is to try to minimize verbs like is am are was were when possible. Your writing will be more bold and will have more to visualize in your descriptions when you substitute other verbs.
Good job.
Yes, this reviewer gets it after all!!! I’ve always had issues with tense since I’ve been writing the Faith Series, Book One. I definitely need to work on minimizing the verbs in order to write with more description for my readers to visualize. I’m currently reading two writing books to help me along the way. Studying these books have been great tools during my writing journey.
What tools do you use to help you with your writing journey?
Fifth Critique
You’ve written a piece that is intriguing and even captivating, but there are some issues that need to be worked out.
I did the rewrite already which is currently up for review. This reviewers suggestions really helped me during my rewrite. I greatly appreciate the feedback.
Do you use critiquing sites to help with your writing journey? If so, which ones?
