I love sharing the positive news while I’m writing through my novel journey. I was recently on my first chapter, third revision while writing my second chapter. I submitted my first chapter, third revision for critiquing. I’m happy to say that each revision my writing has improved. Here’s the feedback that I received and will revise during the final chapter editing.
Before I give you all of the details from reviewers, I wanted to let you know that reviewers are not able to see each other’s critique until after one has completed the critique. I was really happy, ok beyond happy to have all four of my reviewers love my opening sentence. I worked really hard putting my opening sentence together. Whew! If you only knew….. It’s a great feeling to know that I finally nailed it!
First Reviewer:
“I like the first sentence…It made me want to read more….”
One of my hang ups when I first started writing, was more so telling oppose to showing. By the time I got to my third revision, I pretty much got the hang of it.
“Good Visual”
“I like that she is strong enough not to answer her cell phone.”
But as you all know, women may be strong at first, but then by the second call, we may get a bit weak and just might answer the cell phone.
“I like the word regretful here.”
I normally don’t give you the edited details because that is for me to fix, but I do want to share this one.
“With all due respect…I would like to see a stronger hook here so the reader wants to turn to the next chapter….
She was referring to my last sentence. This was a bit hard because others liked the end sentence and some needed more. I realized while I was editing my second chapter that it actually is an extension of my first chapter. I came up with a better hook at the end. Now the only problem I’m having is that the characters are taking me in a different direction than I planned from the start. I don’t know how I’m going to start my second chapter. I just have to write and see what happens. That’s the beauty in creative writing!
Second Reviewer
Hi, Tishawn
Your main question was whether your piece is better in past or present tense. I’d vote for present tense, although I couldn’t read the first two versions (however much tried). Here, at this version, present and past still mix, which can be all right, but then they have to follow one another fluently. My hunch is (and it’s only a hunch) that this wholeness could be reached more easily not just by first person singular, but by present as well. This way the problem of past participle could be eliminated too. Otherwise your work seems dynamic and pungent to me. Real life shines through with all its dirt and suffering. You are really good at this genre!
Deciding the direction was very hard for me. I was going back and forth every revision, but I have finally came to the conclusion that I’m going to write in first person past tense. I initially started in present tense, but publishers hate present tense and since I want to become a published bestselling author, I have to write in past tense. If self-publishing, I guess it really wouldn’t matter. Plus, I was told that it’s harder to write in present tense, even for experienced published authors. WOW! The reviewer hit it right on the nail! Yes, this is real life…..it’s my life, but I’m writing a literary realistic fiction novel. This is book one in the series, Faith. I definitely want to stick to this genre!
“Very graphic beginning!”
Yep, here it goes again
“Otherwise, literally this paragraph is full of graphic details.”
Like I said, I was doing more showing than telling
“Good suspense… If you are afraid of something, it appears.
Did you know that I love reading suspense books? Yep, I sure do!
“Otherwise the whole dialogue is pretty dynamic.”
Dialogue was tough for me at first, but I got the swing of it as time went on.
“Good inner monologues.”
This came very easy for me!
“The dried blood stains… again good, graphic detail.”
“Good detail about the MC.”
“Good change in rhythm. Short and long sentences after one another.”
“I hated myself – excellent!”
“Otherwise I love this paragraph!”
“Good ending!”
Well see, this person liked my ending….. Didn’t I tell you earlier….some would, some wouldn’t. “Anyway, I’ve enjoyed your piece, it has a very special, original tone.” This is definitely original…kind of like a lifetime movie based off of a true story wouldn’t you say!
Third Reviewer
“Nice intro.”
I nailed the opening sentence! Third reviewer was also impressed with my writing. The opening sentence is very important!
“Ha. Nice bit of internal monologue.”
“Intriguing open chapter. Your main character has clearly had a troubled life. Be interesting to see how she moves on from here. Hope this crit has been of some use.”
Fourth Reviewer
“Good first sentence; interesting hook.”
“Good internal thought.”
All the reviewers got a kick out of the same monologue
“Good characterization of Faith.”
It’s so awesome when reviewers comment on the same comment with likable feedback.
“This is some interesting and heavy backstory. It definitely seems important to the plot and Faith’s story, but there must be a better way to bring this up (talking about it with another person, etc.) This is her just telling us about what happened. I actually did bring this up very well, but not by talking with another person. I think the reviewer missed the sentences leading up to what I was telling.
“She’s had a cruddy life! This is more telling, though. I would think, after all she’d been through, she would be rather distrusting of men.
No comment! You would think so, right????
“Very strong last line.”
“As I mentioned in the in-lines, you sometimes jump between present and past tense. Make sure you’re consistent. Also watch for spelling mistakes.
This was kind of weak for a first chapter. I liked the way it started, with Faith in tears, stiffening up to break up with her abusive boyfriend. I also liked the confrontation in the parking lot; it showed that she is already taking steps to right her life. But the second half is a lot of backstory, and Faith getting ready for bed. You do tell about her rough life, but again, that is “telling.” Find a way to bring out those incidents through action or dialogue or internal thoughts. I have a feeling that the confrontation with Darius will be a main part of the plot. But there wasn’t much buildup here. He calls, she doesn’t answer, and that’s it. As this is the first chapter, there should be a little more so the reader knows where this is going. It doesn’t have to be an actual meeting with Darius; just show that Faith is thinking about what will happen when they meet and how she thinks it will go. The last line sort of does this— write more like that! Good luck!”
This reviewer was right on point. This is where my original chapter 2 is now being added to chapter one because it flows and it hits on everything this reviewer mentioned. Great minds think alike! Anyways, there are two major paragraphs that show the “telling” because I just am truly stuck with trying to figure out other ways to bring the issues up. I can’t delete it because it’s very important milestones worth mentioning that otherwise has never been exposed. Ugh, I will figure it out. I have already submitted my first chapter extension to be reviewed. It’s not up for review until June 17th. That seems so long away. Hopefully, the days will go by fast. In the meantime, I can work on the two paragraphs that involve the “telling” and keep writing. I am ready to finally write chapter two. It’s a new plot altogether!
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