Tag Writing

I’m introducing Published Author Rachael Tamayo from Houston, Texas.  Not only is she my Critique Circle Friend, but I’m her Book Publicist. It is a pleasure to work with her as she launches her first book, “Chase Me” in the Friend-Zone Series.

Who is she???  She’s a police dispatcher/911 operator, and a Romance writer. She’s a wife and mother living in Houston, TX with her husband of twelve years and her three year old son. They all live happily with their yellow Lab, Daisy and their African Grey parrot, Sassy.

When she’s not writing or working, you can usually find her at home enjoying quality time with her husband and son, or maybe a large family get together with her fantastic extended family.

                                                                Photo Credit: Adriana Lopez

Her first novel, “Chasing Me” in the Friend-Zone series is published by Solstice Publishing set to be released on July 1, 2016.  We’re so excited about the wonderful promotions leading up to the release date for her reading fans and new fans.  You do not want to miss all of the fun!!!  Let’s see what Rachael has in store for you….

My name is Adrienne Lawrence and my friends are my life. I wish I could say the same about my family, we just don’t get along.  One summer day after a barrage of comments from my Mom about not having a date for a family wedding, I fell headfirst over my own big mouth and lied about having a boyfriend.

Thank God for my lifelong friend, Clint Montgomery. He knows me well enough to play the part, and is sweet enough to step in and save me from a week of embarrassment at a venue wedding across the country.

It sure doesn’t take long for things to heat up between us, and man is that confusing. It’s hard to remember that you’re pretending when It just feels so real. His history of philandering has a way of cooling me off, but when he kisses me, I keep forgetting that I don’t want to be one of the women left in his wake.

How to connect with Rachael Tamayo:

You can find her on Facebook.

You can find her on Twitter.

You can find follow her on Pinterest.

You can find her on Goodreads.

For Media Inquires or Bloggers please contact:

Celestial Caring Enterprises

Tishawn Marie, Book Publicist

tishawnmarie@celestialcaringent.com

209.227.4643

We look forward to hearing from you!

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Lately I’ve been doing many critiques and having my writing critiqued as well, but have not shared the Chapter One Extension critiques as promised. So this Saturday afternoon, I’m sharing my second, third, fourth and fifth critiques. I hope this is helpful during your writing journey.

At the same time, I’m waiting for my WordPress blog themes to show up completely. The internet is a bit slow for some reason. I’ve decided to start a separate blog site specifically for the Faith Series. The domain is www.faithserieswritingjourney.wordpress.com. Please visit once the site is completed. I’m hoping to help many writers and authors along the way as I take on this writing journey myself.

Also, for my readers, I hope to bring insight to the Faith Series so they can get a glimpse into the creation of the novels. Currently, I’m on Book One. I’m not really sure how many books the series will have, but I’ll have a better idea once I keep writing the story. So let’s get into it!

Second Critique

After reading the entire critique, I only want to respond to one comment by the reviewer.

I don’t mope about my destructive life cycle. I don’t cry over spilled milk. I don’t regret my loose cannons from exploding in a moment that left me worthless, used and abused.
I don’t mope about my destructive life cycle Not sure what this means.

I don’t cry over spilled milk. Too many metaphors consider eliminating one of two.

The reviewer is not sure what “destructive life cycle” means. To me, destructive life cycle is when a person’s life keeps moving at the same pace, which is the cycle. It doesn’t change. Where you started is where you keep ending up, over and over again. In this case, Faith has a life that is very destructive due to being victimized during different moments that have left her feeling worthless, used and abused.

Third Critique

After reading:
You have a good start here. Keep writing! I hope my suggestions are helpful.

Yes, the reviewer’s suggestions were very helpful. It really helped me to revise the Chapter One Extension Rewrite.

Fourth Critique

It was dusk as the night was approaching. I headed back downtown to unwind. I’m always putting a band aid on my pain by dancing the night away and getting drunk enough to only feel that good feeling. When I’m in the zone being swirled into the loud music, I became the beat.
Sounds like a fun character. Try to use active voice instead of passive whenever possible. For example, “It was dusk” could become “Dusk fell over the city, as I headed back downtown to unwind.”

Yes, Faith is a fun character when you get to know her Writing in active voice is something that I really need to work on.

Sometimes I would drink too much just so I would be too drunk to fight back. Saying no to men never stopped the vultures in sheep clothing from wearing out my jewel. It was easier for me to cope with being in powerless situations opposed to fighting an uncontrolled battle that I have never won.
Try to avoid redundancy in word use. For example, the first sentence has drink and drunk in it. Nothing’s really wrong with that, but it might be more interesting to mix up the words a bit. Maybe something like: . . . just so the booze would render me helpless. Could maybe throw in a metaphor, like: Serving as a puppet in these battles somehow protected my pride from the feeling of failure.

This analysis is very deep and sad. Good job being able to express it.

Pride has nothing to do with the situations. Faith is not protecting her pride. I don’t think the reviewer understood where I was coming from in this paragraph.

In regards to the sentence about feeling of failure, I don’t quite agree with the word “failure.” When someone is a victim, we don’t necessarily have feelings of failure. We more so have feelings of defeat. When I think of failure, it’s more as though one has failed something one was trying to do, not doing something one has no control over.

She hit it right on the nail. I was able to express it because the character Faith is actually me. This was a very deep and sad time in my life. Some fiction novels have a lot of truth to the story. This is my truth that many can relate to. I’m not alone. You’re not alone. Together we can overcome our past to not let it affect our future.

“When you get downtown, stop by McDonald’s to pick me up two Double Cheeseburgers,” said Darius.
OMG, of all the nerve. Good job making him come across like a jerk.

Ha, Darius is a jerk! Usually when one abuses his girlfriend, they act like they have done no wrong. Life continues to move forward with the abuser as if all is normal. Victims are so used to doing what the abuser wants them to do no matter how bad the abuser has hurt the victim. The victim begins to self-blame and being remorseful to the abuser as if the abuser is the victim. The victim begins to care for the abuser’s needs and wants just to keep the peace.

A lot of people walked around, down the sidewalk, street and drove bumper to bumper. There was a row of club spots, bars and jumbo pizza places. It was hard to choose where I wanted to go considering that I was all by myself. I was determined to have a good time, although I felt so sad inside.
Wouldn’t she rather be with a friend? Or would a friend hold her accountable? (Not let her drink too much and become powerless)?

Yes, Faith would rather be with a friend, but that wasn’t the case. Faith usually had to go out by herself because she couldn’t get a hold of her friends. Faith seemed to believe that she was strong enough to protect herself while she was out. The type of friends that Faith had during that time, were not the type that would hold her accountable. She usually still was in bad situations around her “so-called friends.” They never stopped her from drinking too much nor did they protect her from becoming powerless.

Closing comments

Great story line. I’m intrigued by her attitude that it’s easier to get drunk and be powerless than to stay sober and be in charge of oneself. And I’m also intrigued by what is going to happen in the club to change her life.
My biggest suggestion is to pay attention to your tense and try to stay completely in past tense (or present tense, but just be consistent).
My second biggest suggestion is to try to minimize verbs like is am are was were when possible. Your writing will be more bold and will have more to visualize in your descriptions when you substitute other verbs.
Good job.

Yes, this reviewer gets it after all!!! I’ve always had issues with tense since I’ve been writing the Faith Series, Book One. I definitely need to work on minimizing the verbs in order to write with more description for my readers to visualize. I’m currently reading two writing books to help me along the way. Studying these books have been great tools during my writing journey.

What tools do you use to help you with your writing journey?

Fifth Critique

You’ve written a piece that is intriguing and even captivating, but there are some issues that need to be worked out.

I did the rewrite already which is currently up for review. This reviewers suggestions really helped me during my rewrite. I greatly appreciate the feedback.

Do you use critiquing sites to help with your writing journey? If so, which ones?

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After having such a very rough day the other day, I thought I would end that night with sharing the last five critiques that I received from the extension to Chapter One in my Faith Series, Book One. When reviewing my critiques, I hope to help others who may be having similar writing issues.

Originally, this extension was going to be my second chapter, but after writing much, I realized that this content flows better with my first chapter. I have already started writing my second chapter, which I look forward to sharing soon, once I’m ready to submit for review.

Looking at the date, I realized that I’m actually past the deadline date that I set for myself to have chapter one completed. I’ve been so busy with work these past few weeks that I haven’t had a chance to focus on my writing. No more excuses! I gotta meet these deadlines regardless! Anyhow, I’m not going to post the entire critique, but only the review content that I want to address.

First Critique

Sometimes I would drink too much just so I would be too drunk to fight back. Saying no to men never stopped the vultures in sheep clothing from wearing out my jewel. It was easier for me to cope with being in powerless situations opposed to fighting an uncontrolled battle that I have never won.
I would be careful about getting melodramatic here. You make these sweeping and very serious statements with no backdrop for the reader. I know you’re trying to keep the reader interested, but don’t overdo it.

Really? Do you think I overdid it here? I absolutely love how I worded this paragraph. I hit it right on the nail. Other reviewers liked this paragraph. So I need help from others. What do you think?

After driving around in circles, I finally found a parking space a few blocks away. It’s wasn’t too far from U Street. I took one last look in the mirror for a make-up check. I freshened my lips with glossy natural lip stick. I’m puckered up! I blew a kiss at the mirror and made that, “I know I’m sexy” look. I checked to ensure my windows were closed. I looked around constantly as I exited my sedan.

It’s => It

Of course practice makes one a better writer, but one suggestion is to put a little more visualization into your narrative. Draw the reader in a little better. For example,
I blew a kiss at the mirror. She looked back at me hot and sexy!

Don’t waste a lot of words on mundane descriptions. Make your writing efficient. Does closing the windows and checking constantly as you exit really have a lot of meaning to the story. I would take a little different tack. Maybe re-emphasize how she narrowly misses getting hit by a passing car or some guys go by and yell out something making the reader see that she looks hot.

This has been my biggest problem….writing with more visualization. What helps you write in a visualized manner? I’m still having a lot of issues telling instead of showing.

I think you basically create an interesting backdrop where the reader wants more information on the story which is good. But it seems a bit awkward at times. One suggestion would be to work on how you tell the story. This is where your style will emerge. So rather than just a narration of events and dialogue, draw the reader more into your imagination. It is difficult, but try removing the adverbs in the dialogue description. Use action and dialogue more to convey the image of the characters and backdrop you want to elicit from the reader. Hope my critique is of some help to you.

All I can say about this…I really need help in this area. He hit it right on the nail. The critique was very helpful. This chapter one extension is definitely in need of a major rewrite. I don’t want to put all 5 critiques on the same posting so I will post one critique per day. I hope this was helpful to you as much as it was to me. In regards to my questions, if anyone is able to get back to me, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!

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I love sharing the positive news while I’m writing through my novel journey. I was recently on my first chapter, third revision while writing my second chapter. I submitted my first chapter, third revision for critiquing. I’m happy to say that each revision my writing has improved. Here’s the feedback that I received and will revise during the final chapter editing.

Before I give you all of the details from reviewers, I wanted to let you know that reviewers are not able to see each other’s critique until after one has completed the critique. I was really happy, ok beyond happy to have all four of my reviewers love my opening sentence. I worked really hard putting my opening sentence together. Whew! If you only knew….. It’s a great feeling to know that I finally nailed it!

First Reviewer:

“I like the first sentence…It made me want to read more….”

One of my hang ups when I first started writing, was more so telling oppose to showing. By the time I got to my third revision, I pretty much got the hang of it.

“Good Visual”

“I like that she is strong enough not to answer her cell phone.”

But as you all know, women may be strong at first, but then by the second call, we may get a bit weak and just might answer the cell phone.

“I like the word regretful here.”

I normally don’t give you the edited details because that is for me to fix, but I do want to share this one.

“With all due respect…I would like to see a stronger hook here so the reader wants to turn to the next chapter….

She was referring to my last sentence. This was a bit hard because others liked the end sentence and some needed more. I realized while I was editing my second chapter that it actually is an extension of my first chapter. I came up with a better hook at the end. Now the only problem I’m having is that the characters are taking me in a different direction than I planned from the start. I don’t know how I’m going to start my second chapter. I just have to write and see what happens. That’s the beauty in creative writing!

Second Reviewer

Hi, Tishawn
Your main question was whether your piece is better in past or present tense. I’d vote for present tense, although I couldn’t read the first two versions (however much tried). Here, at this version, present and past still mix, which can be all right, but then they have to follow one another fluently. My hunch is (and it’s only a hunch) that this wholeness could be reached more easily not just by first person singular, but by present as well. This way the problem of past participle could be eliminated too. Otherwise your work seems dynamic and pungent to me. Real life shines through with all its dirt and suffering. You are really good at this genre!

Deciding the direction was very hard for me. I was going back and forth every revision, but I have finally came to the conclusion that I’m going to write in first person past tense. I initially started in present tense, but publishers hate present tense and since I want to become a published bestselling author, I have to write in past tense. If self-publishing, I guess it really wouldn’t matter. Plus, I was told that it’s harder to write in present tense, even for experienced published authors. WOW! The reviewer hit it right on the nail! Yes, this is real life…..it’s my life, but I’m writing a literary realistic fiction novel. This is book one in the series, Faith. I definitely want to stick to this genre!

“Very graphic beginning!”

Yep, here it goes again

“Otherwise, literally this paragraph is full of graphic details.”

Like I said, I was doing more showing than telling

“Good suspense… If you are afraid of something, it appears.

Did you know that I love reading suspense books? Yep, I sure do!

“Otherwise the whole dialogue is pretty dynamic.”

Dialogue was tough for me at first, but I got the swing of it as time went on.

“Good inner monologues.”

This came very easy for me!

“The dried blood stains… again good, graphic detail.”
“Good detail about the MC.”
“Good change in rhythm. Short and long sentences after one another.”
“I hated myself – excellent!”
“Otherwise I love this paragraph!”
“Good ending!”

Well see, this person liked my ending….. Didn’t I tell you earlier….some would, some wouldn’t. “Anyway, I’ve enjoyed your piece, it has a very special, original tone.” This is definitely original…kind of like a lifetime movie based off of a true story wouldn’t you say!

Third Reviewer

“Nice intro.”

I nailed the opening sentence! Third reviewer was also impressed with my writing. The opening sentence is very important!

“Ha. Nice bit of internal monologue.”
“Intriguing open chapter. Your main character has clearly had a troubled life. Be interesting to see how she moves on from here. Hope this crit has been of some use.”

Fourth Reviewer

“Good first sentence; interesting hook.”
“Good internal thought.”

All the reviewers got a kick out of the same monologue

“Good characterization of Faith.”

It’s so awesome when reviewers comment on the same comment with likable feedback.
“This is some interesting and heavy backstory. It definitely seems important to the plot and Faith’s story, but there must be a better way to bring this up (talking about it with another person, etc.) This is her just telling us about what happened. I actually did bring this up very well, but not by talking with another person. I think the reviewer missed the sentences leading up to what I was telling.

“She’s had a cruddy life! This is more telling, though. I would think, after all she’d been through, she would be rather distrusting of men.

No comment! You would think so, right????

“Very strong last line.”
“As I mentioned in the in-lines, you sometimes jump between present and past tense. Make sure you’re consistent. Also watch for spelling mistakes.
This was kind of weak for a first chapter. I liked the way it started, with Faith in tears, stiffening up to break up with her abusive boyfriend. I also liked the confrontation in the parking lot; it showed that she is already taking steps to right her life. But the second half is a lot of backstory, and Faith getting ready for bed. You do tell about her rough life, but again, that is “telling.” Find a way to bring out those incidents through action or dialogue or internal thoughts. I have a feeling that the confrontation with Darius will be a main part of the plot. But there wasn’t much buildup here. He calls, she doesn’t answer, and that’s it. As this is the first chapter, there should be a little more so the reader knows where this is going. It doesn’t have to be an actual meeting with Darius; just show that Faith is thinking about what will happen when they meet and how she thinks it will go. The last line sort of does this— write more like that! Good luck!”

This reviewer was right on point. This is where my original chapter 2 is now being added to chapter one because it flows and it hits on everything this reviewer mentioned. Great minds think alike! Anyways, there are two major paragraphs that show the “telling” because I just am truly stuck with trying to figure out other ways to bring the issues up. I can’t delete it because it’s very important milestones worth mentioning that otherwise has never been exposed. Ugh, I will figure it out. I have already submitted my first chapter extension to be reviewed. It’s not up for review until June 17th. That seems so long away. Hopefully, the days will go by fast. In the meantime, I can work on the two paragraphs that involve the “telling” and keep writing. I am ready to finally write chapter two. It’s a new plot altogether!

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Today concludes Sexual Assault Awareness Month, Child Abuse Awareness Month, and the 16th was Teen Literature Day. I would like to end this month by presenting an inspirational introduction.

Meet Tia Hines. She is a published author with Urban Books, youth mentor and a sexual assault survivor that has a very fascinating way of reaching the young generation and inspiring adults to have dreams, and if you don’t already know her, you will want to.

Tia Hines is an author from Boston, MA who is making her mark in the literary world. She is a full time training specialist by day and a writer by night. When not writing, she dedicates her time to mentoring and teaching hip-hop dance to youth. She graduated from Northeastern University with a Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration and has a Master’s degree from Suffolk University in Criminal Justice. Tia discovered her passion for writing at a very young age. She figured she could create unimaginable stories through an explosion of words. With this in mind, she wrote her first novel, “Drama,” which successfully debuted as an Essence Magazine Bestseller. She has now written her second novel entitled, “That Girl is Poison.” In addition to that, she is in the process of launching her own publishing company. Her main goal is to get more youth to read and she plans to accomplish this by writing a series of intriguing novels. Tia wants to inspire everyone to set goals to create dreams and never stop striving to achieve new heights.

Today, Tia is spreading a message through her novel, “That Girl is Poison” shedding light on the most talked about youth discussions involving the following topics:

• Sex
• Promiscuity
• HIV
• Teen Rape
• Child Sexual Assault
• Pregnancy
• Abuse (Emotional, Mental, Physical)
• Neglect

Her powerful lessons in this book reflects on respect, love, and protection. Whether hearing her speak or reading her words, people are immediately drawn to Tia’s fictional character experiences many can relate to, and her own growing pain experiences…and, of course, her motivational life lessons.

To arrange for an interview with Tia Hines, write a feature story or book review, please contact Tishawn Marie directly at 209.227.4643 or send an email: pr@celestialcaringent.com. If you would like to receive access to the digital copy of the book, one can be provided to you. And, here are two links: the book cover for “That Girl is Poison” and the book trailer.

“That Girl is Poison” is available for purchase at Amazon.

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It’s been quite an interesting weekend. I have to admit, I’ve become very addicted to Critiquing sites.

I’ve managed to write five critiques 🙂 When I critique other writers, it helps mold my skills in reading, writing and editing. Most of all, I’m meeting new writers across the world that are interested in helping me because of their love for reading and writing. The best part is that we all receive credit when we critique each other’s work. When I reach a certain number of credits, I’m able to post my own writing to be critiqued. Who doesn’t like fun work?

I’ve met amazing people from other states and countries who are playing a major role in assisting me with crafting my first novel to become a best-seller! I was in tears the other night when one of my reviewers stated the following at the closing comments of her review: (I won’t state the entire review because that is for my eyes only. You’ll get to see the final completed chapter when it’s published.) 🙂

First Reviewer >>>

Well, I really liked this story. I mentioned that up top. Likable protagonist. Your writing is excellent! Anyway, I look forward to seeing more of your writing. Your story flow was great. Hope you found something helpful in this crit! Good luck with this story, it has a lot of promise. I can easily see it becoming a bestseller. Have a nice day!

I totally had a moment after I read through the nitty gritty parts of the review. I wrote the first chapter with confidence on making this book series a bestseller. I was very nervous when I saw that I had my first crit. More like very scared, but excited all at the same time. It was as though God was speaking through my first reviewer.

Second Reviewer >>>

On the whole, you have a very interesting piece touching on an important subject, the ‘battered woman’ syndrome. I think you write well, please don’t interpret my little corrections to say otherwise.

Third Reviewer >>>

I think your story is extremely interesting, but……. Work on that and you’ll get a lot more feedback. Still great storyline!

Fourth Reviewer >>>

Faith seems like such a good character and reading her thoughts and how she views everything makes the read really fun.

Fifth Reviewer >>>

I’m here to return the crit. My overall impression: You have the beginning of a powerful story. I love knowing that Faith, who’s made bad decisions in the past, will survive and find a better life for herself. Good luck with your story.

Fan Mail >>>

I absolutely loved the writings on your page and look forward to reading you book. Wow, i have to believe that your sincere. I am set on reading your work.

I wrote the Introduction which later I realized that it would go better with book two or three, but not book one.
Here are some reviews that I received.

First Reviewer >>>

Sounds like a good beginning. I also like the summary. She will go through any lengths to protect her children. Sounds like it’s going to be an unconditional love and bond between the mother and children.

Second Reviewer >>>

Are you going to say at some point how she’d ended up in this situation? It could be a good lesson for other women. I like it very much, you write very well, it’s a nice read.

The other great thing about Critiquing sites is that you get to have access to a lot of writing and editing tools to help you a long the way. One of my reviewers even shared some amazing tools with me which we can now use when we work on projects involving our CCE clients.

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Welcome to “My First Novel: A Writing Journey!” Writing my first novel is a very special and interesting journey that I will start experiencing in my life. I really enjoy my creativity flourishing from beginning to end with passionate projects that will make a difference in our world. In doing so, I hope other writers will be inspired, uplifted and empowered when reading my writing episodes. You’ll learn what worked for me and didn’t work. I’ll share beneficial resources that helped me through the process. More so, this blog will shed light on domestic violence among families. I hope to bring more awareness to such a secretive topic for those who haven’t been able to break the stronghold and be freed from the cycle of abuse once and for all. I’ve come to the realization that separation and divorce does not necessarily mean that freedom has come.

The Faith Series is about a young adult who is the victim of abuse, not yet a survivor. She later becomes a divorced single mother. Faith seeks to break the cycle of abuse to put an end to her victimized life. In the name of protecting her 4 children, Faith journeys on survival mode to reach victory.

At a young age, I used to write books, poems and play/movie scripts that never published and I have no clue what happened to those writings. I’ve always had a love for writing and reading. I kept a diary that I started writing as a child and still write in my diaries to this day. Journal writing is such a huge part of my life. I was a big fan of Nancy Drew, The Babysitter’s Club, Romance books, and as I got older my interests turned to Self-Help & Spiritual books. I collect good books and throughout the years have read many, but still have a ways to go. I do have a slight addiction– book binges. I make my way to book sections of stores any time I’m out shopping and I buy every interesting book with a fabulous cover.

I always wanted to get back into writing, but this time taking my hobby more seriously. Eleven years ago I started working with magazine companies and then became a Publicist and opened my Public Relations Boutique seven years ago. Than last year I entered into the Book Publishing world when I landed a major out-of-state Publishing Company client. This was just what I needed to get my passionate juices flowing again. My skills excelled to the next level when I started working with Authors. It was an intriguing hands on learning experience and financially rewarding (I might add 🙂 Most of all, I met very wonderful authors!!!

Now I’m ready to write a novel to publish. So here I am! I finally started writing my first novel earlier this week on Tuesday June 17, 2014 when reality hit me hard and immediately realized that I actually wrote the introduction to what would become my first novel. Experienced writers say to begin writing and you’ll go someplace. That’s exactly what I did and it definitely took me somewhere. I went from not knowing what to write to establish a protagonist, plot and a series idea.

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